Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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