I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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