and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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