I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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