I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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