I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
