I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
