Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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