I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
