She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
