I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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