FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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