I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
