He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
