You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
