i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
