She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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