Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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