just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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