I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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