just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
