It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When are your genitals available?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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