i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize