Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
