The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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