the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
