I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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