it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
