Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
