you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
