Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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