I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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