Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
