shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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