Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the condom got lost in my hair
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
only you would photoshop your dick
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
