She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
