she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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