No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
