Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
