She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
