i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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