We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
