arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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