You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
