My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
