Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
