Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
