he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I want a musical about memes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
