Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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