My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
