Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
