it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
