I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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