I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
