I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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