and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
