i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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