if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
