Barsexuality is the new black.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
