I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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