Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
