tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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