Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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