I want to have your abortion
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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