you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
