My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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