Where is the hickey?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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