are you still at the devil's house?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
how does that bad decision feel?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
