You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
