bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
