sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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