there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
