I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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