my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
