Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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