What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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