What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
