Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
