Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and she was petting her beer can
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
