There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize