come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
