turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
