Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
