I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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