So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so let's talk penis.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
