Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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