I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
