i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize