Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
