I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
