I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
