So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize