I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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