I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize