Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
