Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
