dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she peed on how many people?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
