So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
