the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
